Family: A group of people, usually of the same blood (but do not have to be), who genuinely love, trust, care about, and look out for each other. Not to be mistaken with relatives sharing the same household who hate each other. REAL family is a bondage that cannot be broken by any means. – by Lola5544 - Urban Dictionary
Ah, Family. Say what you will about them - fight with them, love or "hate” them, wrestle (figuratively and literally) or dance with them, smile or frown at them, laugh with and at them –whatever the case, they make up the core of who we are and help guide us on the path to who we become.
Before I left for my trip to Romania, my friend Cristina asked me if I wouldn’t donate my time and talent to photograph a family that had never had a real family photo of themselves taken. They were a large family and any time I think about wrangling a large group of people, my first instinct is the shy away. Not because I don’t like people – I love them – but because I know that it takes a lot of energy to keep large groups engaged.
Let’s face it, how many times have you stood in front of the camera for a holiday photo with the fam and dreaded every moment? „Sit up straight!” „Smile at the camera!” „Why aren’t you smiling?” „The faster you smile the sooner we’ll be done!” Who doesn’t remember that torture? As kids we didn’t really feel the benefit of the moment. We stood tall, erect, looking into the camera with pasted on smiles, all to please our parents, but after the last photo was taken and we could no longer feel our cheeks, what did we receive for our efforts? A picture. Oh, joy.
As an adult, I know the importance of preserving memories and all the efforts of my own childhood to smile at the camera finally make sense and are so incredibly worth it. I’m sure that’s why I enjoy what I do now so much. Documenting memories is so satisfying because you know that you are not providing a perishable service, but a lifetime treasure. I’m providing a frozen moment in time that families can eventually look back on and smile at the memory. It is a spark to kindle the flame of rememberance in a mind that has almost forgotten what life was like „way back then.”
So, you can imagine that I had no frame of reference for a family who had never had their family photo taken. (I’m sure that they’ve had snapshots taken of themselves.) Sure, our family photos were always taken by my parents and we only ever had professional photos of us kids done as youngsters, but we had at least gotten our family photos taken. It surprised and even saddened me that a family didn’t have those memories year after year. So, obviously, I felt that it was important! I felt that I had to take their photos and I felt excitement to give the precious gift of memories.
On the day of the photo shoot, I knew that I wanted to use window light. I love the soft, beautiful feeling that it gives. I know most photographers these days take family photos outdoors, and I definitely do too, but I just had a feeling about these photos and I couldn’t resist the urge. It was difficult in such a small space, but I believe that it was so worth it. After all, are you really a photographer if you can’t perform in a tight space under pressure? I’m convinced that you have to enjoy a good challenge to be successful.
As I photographed each child, it was beautiful to see their interaction with their parents and siblings. I think some people fear having large families because they fear they only have so much to give, but if you know anything about love, that’s not how it works. The more you give, the more you have. And if you’re like me and believe that God provides, it might be hard, but it is always worthwhile.
As one of four kids myself, I can tell you, life wasn’t always easy, but I refuse to imagine my life without even one of my siblings. You learn so many different things from each family member that I really feel like my life education would be somehow lacking without every single one.
Parents teach you how to react to your world, how to treat authority and to understand consequences to actions. They teach you how to respect those over you and to take on responsibility as you grow. They are your model for love and help define what marriage looks like in a family setting. In short, they show us how to adult and give us something to aspire to someday.
Older siblings are the second in command. They are the right hand young men and women of the parents and help younger siblings learn that in life there will be many different tiers of authority to answer to. Older siblings are the protectors and helpers of the younger. They come alongside younger siblings and help teach them how to do the tasks their parents ask of them. They are often the responsible and practical ones, but contrary to popular opinion, they are not really sticks in the mud. Dishes, folding laundry, and learning to read can be much more fun when an older sibling is around!
Middle siblings are often lost in the tumult of the olders trying to help the youngers (They are the youngers until even younger ones come along.), but are so important to family life. Much like peanut butter and jelly, they are the glue that holds the family sandwich together. (I can say this because I was a middle child, well, older middle.) Not to be left out of the action, they provide endless entertainment to the whole family. They tend to be some of the most creative, since they have to figure out ways of entertaining themselves while parents and olders are taking care of youngers. Don’t worry, it’s not as depressing as it sounds. Parents absolutely care about them, they just trust them to take care of themselves while the youngers naturally need more close attention.
And who can forget the younger siblings? The babies of the family. Often everyone has a hand in raising the youngers, so they provide a sense of belonging, or purpose, but each has a different part. Parents nurture and discipline, olders instruct and encourage, middles give imagination and play, and all protect. It can get a little out of hand sometimes, when the youngers get older and naturally expect others to do everything for them like always, but this can be overcome as they take on more responsibility themselves. They are often the most sensitive and caring, even in the midst of this expectation. I find my younger siblings to be great gift givers and good at seeing someone’s need to be comforted. I think having so many hands raise them shows them how different people show love, so naturally they begin to observe how people tick.
You don’t have to come from a crazy large family for this to apply to you. Maybe you’re an only child, which means you’re a combination of all three. Respect, my friend, that’s hard and a lot on your plate! Maybe you’re one of two. You can be a combination of and older and a middle, or a younger and a middle – vying for attention, but also responsible, or expecting to be taken care of...the combinations really are endlessand all have valid difficulties. Thank the Lord that it is all worthwhile!
I know I am speaking in an ideal sense about families and this has not been many people’s experience. I know brokenness is rampant in our culture, but I also believe in God and the power of family. Even if you can’t be around your own family, you can create the environment you wish you would have had. That’s pretty powerful stuff.
As I finished the shoot, we had a moment of worship and prayer, which is also a part of things that parents do – instructing children in the way they should go. (Proverbs 22:6) Mr. Bociat brought out his Shofar (significant in Judaism and Christianity) and made it sound throughout the small apartment. As it echoed all around, I was reminded of God’s leadership and how He is the perfect Father teaching us to be perseverant and loving to all around us – whether we are parents or children.
I want to leave you now with this final thought. Make memories and take pictures. (Mental or physical ones.) Pause, and take the moment in, because life goes by so fast. Trust God, trust your family, and create an environment that you will all want to duplicate someday. That way you will all have memories to share with your kids and grandkids. Don’t be afraid, just go for it!
Family is the legacy that lives on long after we are gone.
~Alyssa Kay
A HUGE Thank You to:
Models: The Bociat Family – Seriously, some of the sweetest people in the world!
Asisstants: Tiahna Somero, Cristina Turiceanu, Alina Turiceanu – Tiahna for lending her camera and perspective and all of them for being pretty much amazing! Great with keeping smiles on kids faces!
God – For creativity and ability
All of you – For doing me the honor of making it this far!